Highs and Lows

I have gotten a little behind in writing.  I think the emotion and craziness of this journey at times leaves me without words.  Or without the oomph to sit and ponder.  My thoughts run deep and heavy.  And this doesn't always mean sad heaviness.  It is just the heaviness of the situation.  Of being so close to possibly reaching the desires of our hearts.  Like we are standing on the precipice of something big.  We are trying to weight out having faith and hope in the midst of knowing we could still come out in the end with devastation.  That is a hard conundrum.  So we take it one moment at a time.  One injection at a time.

This past week has been very busy with doctors appointments.  The fertility center is 1 1/2 hour drive away from Chico.  This poses a lot of tiring driving back and forth and extra missed time from our jobs.  Last Monday we attended an "Egg Class" which was taught by an embryologist that works at the fertility center.  This was a discussion about what happens during the egg retrieval and how our eggs and sperm are treated in the lab.  What precautions and safety measures they take.  It was very informative and gave us peace of mind that the right steps are taken.  Then on Wednesday I went in for blood work to determine where my estrogen levels were at.  They found that my estrogen was a lot higher than it was normally at this point in the process so they wanted me back the next day for an ultrasound and more blood work.  The ultrasound confirmed that some of my follicles had grown to a large size very quickly.  They normally like the follicles to reach about 20 mm which is then what signifies you are ready for egg retrieval.  Several of my follicles were already at an 18 and 19.  So they wanted me to continue my meds and come back the next day for a final ultrasound.  On Friday the final ultrasound determined that about 6 of my follicles were ready to go.  Below is a video of the ultrasound and measuring of the follicles. 

They believe the reason I was ready so quickly was because they had started me out on stronger doses of the hormone injections because I have a low ovarian reserve.  So Friday was called my "Trigger" day.  We went home that evening and took an injection of a different hormone which would signal the eggs in the follicles to drop down from the follicle walls so that they would be ready for retrieval on Sunday.  UNBELIEVABLE!!  The day had come.

Sunday was a very early morning.  We checked in, went in the operatory prep room and got all hooked up to my IV.  Lots of questions were asked.  Constantly making sure I was Robin White and confirming my birth date.  I was very grateful for that.  Nerves were running high but we were also excited this day had arrived.  We noticed in the background they had the song by Kutless called "What Faith Can Do" which we feel was a song given to us as a promise by God.  This was amazing timing that God was singing that song over us as we were laying there ready to have my eggs retrieved. 

Have fun watching the video of me after anesthesia.  I don't remember ANYTHING!! 

Upon waking up I found out they were able to retrieve 5 eggs.  Not a high number but for us we were great with it.  Gave us 5 good trys and chances.  We made it back home and I was on bed rest the rest of the day.  I was pretty nauseous and crampy, but did okay overall.  We knew that back at the lab they were determining which eggs were mature enough to have Jeff's sperm injected into them and then they would perform that process. 

I received a follow up phone call this morning.  It was the embryologist giving me the embryo update.  Out of the 5 eggs retrieved only 2 of them were mature enough to have Jeff's sperm injected into them.  Then out of those 2 only one survived that process.  She assured me that even though we only had 1 embryo out of the process that there were many woman who received one embryo and still became pregnant.  I assured her I was fine then hung up the phone and bawled.  It was very disappointing news.  We had so hoped and prayed for at least 2 or 3 healthy embryos in order to increase our odds of actually getting pregnant.  But even though the news was disappointing for both Jeff and I, we are determined to remain hopeful and know that it only takes one embryo to make a baby!

The transfer is scheduled for this Wednesday.  We will be staying overnight in Roseville in order to give it a day before getting back in the car for the drive home.  I will then be on bed rest until Saturday. 

Lord, you are God over our lives, over our bodies and over this little embryo sitting in the lab.  You know our hearts desire to be parents and to raise a little child of our own.  We pray your protection over this little one even before it enters my body.  We know you have destiny for our lives.  We love you God no matter what happens and will always serve you!